This week has been a funny one. Arthur turned three. In the grand scheme of things, little people turn three everyday, it’s rather insignificant.
In my world, it feels pretty huge. I am no longer a mother to a toddler and I never will be again. I am fine with that. I choose that, but it is still tinged with an inexplainable sadness.
There has been so many moments this week, I have looked at Arthur and I just want to to soak him all up. I catch sight of him, his little squashy cheeks, the concentration on his face as he builds his tower and my tummy does a little flip. This moment is the only moment I have, and it feels more profound than ever this week.
What can I do other then be present in that moment, soak it all up and feel it. I try and store it, to pull it out and feel it another day, but that doesn’t work. It passes and makes way for a new one, the old one to be forgotten.
I’m not sure what has switched within me this week as I know some weeks the ability to slow down and appreciate these moments leaves me. I am overcome with busyness and stopping and soaking in a fleeting moment seems impossible. Whatever it is I am grabbing it and holding onto it with both hands.
Ollie turns 11 in a few weeks too. What makes me sad is I cannot remember many moments from when he was a baby. Just those short fleeting feelings. I supposed that is all we ever have isn’t it?
As Arthur blew his birthday candles out this week, the first thing he said was thank you (panks you in Arthur speak) for my birthday….I mean my heart just exploded into a million little pieces.
This quote never felt more true for me.
Thank you for reading my short ramble.